Gwaine is Bored
by Fairykind
Summary: Gwaine is locked up in that smelly cell while Morgana is busy taking over Camelot. But it can get quite boring down there, so he decides to have some fun tormenting Morgana.
1. You've Got Something on Your Face

Gwaine sighed and paced in his cell. He was very bored. And hungry. He could see Morgana stalking down the corridor, looking determined and pompous like always.

"Hey, Grumpy," he taunted. Morgana showed no reaction.

"Cat got your tongue?" Once again, he was ignored. Morgana just stood and stared at him through the cell door, her face impassive.

Elyan, who had been asleep, woke upon the sound of Gwaine's voice.

"Who's there? Oh, it's just you, Ugly. What a terrible way to start my morning," Elyan said, wrinkling his nose. Gwaine thought he saw Morgana's eye twitch. Score.

"Watch your tongue, idiot," Morgana spat.

"Hey, you got a little something on your face," Gwaine said, gesturing to Morgana.

"Where?" she asked.

"Just…eh," Gwaine replied, pointing to all regions of his own face. "Everywhere."

Morgana frowned. "What does it look like? I am not finding anything."

She wiped a hand across her cheek.

"It looks like ugly," Gwaine said. "And it's not coming off."

Morgana growled. "You will both be sorry."

"I'm already sorry I have to look at THAT," he laughed, jabbing a finger at Morgana. She looked ready to explode. Elyan picked up a clod of dirt and threw it, hitting Morgana right in the forehead.

"Beautiful," he said. "But it clashes with your lipstick."

Morgana glowered at him and stomped off down the hallway, her shoes clicking loudly.


	2. I Have Something Important to Tell You!

**Author's note: This is so fun to write, I decided to update again today!**

Sighing loudly, Gwaine rolled over in his small cot so that he was facing the cell door. Where was Morgana when you need her? He wanted someone to annoy. Gaius was asleep and Elyan was used to his comments by now. Suddenly, he had an idea. Sitting up straight, he screamed. Loud.

Gaius woke with a start.

"Dude!" Elyan yelled. "What's your deal?"

Just as he had planned, Morgana stormed down the hallway, obviously irritated.

"What?" she snapped.

Gwaine grinned mischievously. "Hi," he said.

"HI? You screamed for me, interrupted my dinner, just to say HI?" Morgana raged.

"Yup," Gwaine replied, examining a fingernail. Elyan laughed at Morgana's furious expression.

"Why are you still here?" Gwaine asked. Morgana growled at him before stomping off.

"Rawr," Gwaine mocked. "Wait! I forgot to tell you something!"

Morgana froze and spun around slowly. "What do you want?" she hissed.

"Hi," Gwaine said slyly.

"Will you just SHUT UP!" Morgana screamed.

"Ehh…I'd rather not. Talking's fun."

"Not if you don't have a tongue," Morgana threatened.

"Well talking is basically impossible without a tongue, so how can it be not fun if I couldn't even do it?" Gwaine countered. Morgana thought for a moment.

"I do not have time for these trivial things," she said. Gwaine laughed.

"You just don't wanna admit I'm smarter than you," he taunted.

"Don't be silly. This stone is smarter than you," she said, picking up a small rock and holding it out for him to see. Gwaine took it.

"I don't know about that. But it's got great aim," Gwaine said.

"What do you-" Morgana was cut short by the pebble hitting her square in the nose.

"Told you," Gwaine laughed.

"I have matters to attend to," Morgana growled. Soon, Gwaine was left with nothing to do. Again.


	3. Do I Get on Your Nerves?

**Author's Note**: Thanks for the lovely reviews! YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY XD

When you're locked in the same old room day after day, the little cracks in the wall are only interesting for so long. Gwaine felt sure he had memorized every little detail. He flipped upside down on his cot, his dark hair spilling out over the grimy floor. With nothing better to do, he began to sing.

"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall. Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall…"

He got all the way to seventy-seven before Elyan got fed up with him.

"Shut it and sing something else," he complained.

"Fine." Gwaine thought of an even more annoying song.

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!" He continued with this for a good two minutes (Elyan complained the whole time) before he noticed Morgana glowering at him through the cell door.

"Oh, hello, I didn't see you there!" he said. All the blood had rushed to his head and he was beginning to feel dizzy.

"Are you finished?" Morgana asked sharply.

"Why? Did you like it?"

"NO."

"Then I'm not done. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves…"

Morgana rolled her eyes and left Gwaine to sing to no one.

"My awesomeness is too great for you?" he called after her.

"Shut it!"

Gwaine only laughed.


	4. I Gotta Pee!

**Author's Note: heheh I love this one**

"Morgana!" Gwaine yelled. A second later, she stood outside the cell, arms crossed.

"What now, idiot?"

"I really have to pee," he complained.

"Then go in the hole over there. You've done it before," Morgana sighed.

"But-but…it's so smelly! And I feel embarrassed going in front of him," Gwaine lowered his voice to a whisper and pointed at Elyan. Morgana rolled her eyes.

"Just tell him not to look," she said.

"I think he peeks anyway," Gwaine said.

"I do not! Gross," Elyan exclaimed. Gwaine giggled.

"So there you have it. Just GO," Morgana said.

"But there's no toilet paper!" he complained.

"I'm sure this isn't the worst place you've done your business," Morgana replied.

"It's worse than the floor. Or my pants. Or a person."

Morgana made a face. "How is it worse than the floor?"

"If I go on the floor, I'm not trying to get it to go in a little bitty hole. I mean, seriously, that's like trying to poop in a teacup." He pantomined holding a cup behind his rear, then thrust it into the air and announced, "Huzzah!"

Morgana couldn't help but smile a bit. Elyan laughed loudly.

"Ha! I made you smile," Gwaine teased, poking Morgana through the iron bars.

"Just go do your business," she instructed, walking off and shaking her head.


	5. That Annoying Leak!

**Author's note: So many people are adding this story (and me) to their favorites list. It makes me cry magical tears of happiness! Thank you all!**

Drip, drip, drip. The cell ceiling had recently acquired a leak and the steady drip was driving Gwaine insane. He groaned.

"Morgana," he whined, dragging out the last 'a' longer than necissary.

"I KNOW there's a leak. DEAL WITH IT," she snapped.

"Awww, but it's sooo annoying!"

"And you're not?"

"Why are you so mean to me?" Gwaine asked.

"Why are you whining like a three-year-old?" Morgana countered.

"Because it annoys you," he replied, grinning. The leak continued its steady drip, drip, drip.

"That sound makes me have to pee," he complained.

"Then just go and leave me alone!"

"Do you not remember our conversation yesterday?" Gwaine asked, referring to the complaints he'd had about the toilet the previous day.

"Oh, my gosh," Morgana sighed loudly, burying her face in her hands.

"Careful, you might smear your makeup," Gwaine said. Morgana lifted her head only to scowl.

"I am getting really sick of you," she seethed.

"So you'll let me out? You know, just to get me out of your hair?"

"NO."

"Well, it was worth a shot," Gwaine said.


	6. Name Game

**Author's note: credit to TheImpossiblePen for the awesome nickname for Morgana! **

"Hey, Morgana," Gwaine began. "You need a nickname. I'm sick of having to say 'Morgana' a billion times a day. It gets old."

He paced, thinking. "Oh! I got it!"

Morgana stared him down. "What?"

"How about 'Miss Witchy?' Pretty fitting if you ask me," he said.

Elyan laughed.

"Yep. Perfect. Okay, from now on, your name is Miss Witchy. Beautiful," Gwaine confirmed.

"My name is Morgana Pendragon. Or, in your case, Lady Morgana," she corrected.

"Alright. Sorry. You're right, Lady Witchy."

Now even Gaius was laughing. Morgana closed her eyes, obviously trying to resist screaming.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to your name, Lady Witchy," Gwaine said. Morgana frowned.

"I really don't like you," she growled.

"Then why do you talk to me?"

Morgana didn't reply.

"See? You do like me!" Gwaine teased. Morgana threw a stone at him, hitting the side of his jaw.

"Payback," she said sharply, before turning on her heel and hurrying off down the dungeon hallway.


	7. Really Hot Prisoners

"Morgana, I'm starving!" Gwaine gasped dramatically, dropping to his knees and grasping the bars of the cell door. Morgana rolled her eyes.

"You know what I'm going to say," she replied.

Gwaine groaned. "But I hate fighting your stupid little pinheads! Just give me food!"

"No," she said sharply.

"Why?" he asked, drawing out the word like it had twenty letters.

"Because I make the rules," Morgana said.

"I make the rules," Gwaine mocked, wrinkling his nose.

"Do not mock me!" Morgana demanded.

"Do not mock me," Gwaine echoed, his voice high and squeaky. Morgana sighed. Gwaine copied her.

"Why must you torment me?" she questioned.

"Why must you torment me?" Gwaine said. Morgana clenched her fists.

"Give me food and I'll stop," Gwaine bribed.

"I don't do bribes with prisoners," said Morgana.

"What about really hot prisoners?" Gwaine smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

"I don't know who you're talking about. All I see is an idiot who is asking to be hanged," she retorted.

"I don't recall asking anything like that," Gwaine contridicted.

"If you do not shut up, you won't need to ask. I will do it without hesitation," Morgana threatened.

"I dare you."

Morgana said nothing. She simply stared.

"Oooh, you lose! You hesitated!" Gwaine taunted in a playful, sing-song tone.

"Only because I may need you later," she defended.

"Yeah, for when you get tired of looking at yourself in the mirror and need some real beauty to stare at." Gwaine grinned mischievously.

"Shut it, clod pole," Morgana spat.

"Hey! That's Merlin's word," said Gwaine.

"I could call you something much worse."

"I'm sure he won't mind if you use it, just this once," Gwaine said quickly.

"That's what I thought," Morgana replied smugly.


	8. Hugs, Escapes, and Bedchambers

**Author's note: Ok I have no idea where this came from. I just started writing...so sorry if this one isn't as funny.**

Morgana looked upset. Normally, Gwaine wouldn't have cared, but he had something planned.

"What's wrong, Witchy? You look sad."

"I am under a lot of stress. You wouldn't know," she replied with a sigh.

"Need a hug?" Gwaine asked, holding out his arms invitingly.

"I can't hug you through the door," Morgana argued.

"Just open it for a second then. I promise I won't beat you up or anything."

Morgana hesitated a moment before fishing a key out of her dress. She slid it into the lock and a second later the cell door was open. Gwaine hugged her, then in one swift motion, swung her around and pushed her into the cell. He slammed the door shut and ran, laughing like a maniac. The only flaw in his plan was Morgana still had the key.

"Dang it," he growled as he heard her rapidly approaching footsteps. Just as she rounded the corner, Gwaine took off. His worn boots pounded the stone floor as he attempted to escape Morgana.

"Guards!" she screamed. Gwaine ran faster. He didn't get very far before he slammed face-first into the breastplate of a soldier.

"Hello," he squeaked. The guard picked him up and slung him over his shoulder.

"Hey!" Gwaine protested, squirming and writhing. The soldier simply knocked him in the head and he was out. An hour later, he awoke in a nicely furnished bedchamber.

"What the…" he glanced around, taking in his surroundings. He began to wonder if the memories of the past week or so had been a dream when he noticed the chains. Gwaine had been tethered to the wall by his arms, immediately squashing all hope. Then, he noticed a figure sitting on the bed. Morgana. She was staring at him with that smirk of hers.

"Why the heck am I in your bedroom?" he asked. Morgana laughed lightly.

"After your little episode, I decided to transfer you. In here, I can watch you more closely and you won't have Elyan or Gaius to help with any of your childish schemes."

"Also, now I can breathe down your neck while you sleep," Gwaine pointed out.

"I doubt your chains will reach that far."

"Let's see." Gwaine stood and sauntered casually over to the bed, his chains making an awful noise against the floor.

"Yup, they reach," he confirmed, flopping down next to Morgana. "This shall be fun."

**Author's note 2: No, he didn't mean it like _that!_ So get those dirty thoughts out of your head, because I know they're there. **


	9. Arthur's Secret Fear

**Author's note: Oh, Gwaine...what will we do with you?**

"And…and then…hahaha! Merlin was like…"

Morgana sighed. Gwaine had been going on like this for the past thirty minutes. It was Morgana's fault, though. She had mistakenly left a pitcher of wine unattended on the night stand while she had gone out for the morning. When she had come back, of course it was empty. We are talking about Gwaine here, aren't we? Morgana chided herself for her stupidity. She made a mental note to shorten his chains later, too. Gwaine never finished his story. Morgana hadn't cared, anyway.

"Hey, did you know that Arthur is afraid of spiders?" Gwaine asked before collapsing into another fit of hysterical giggles. Morgana pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. Sometimes-most of the time, actually-Gwaine really vexed her.

"Can you please just shut up?"

"Nope, sorry," he replied, running the words together slightly.

"Why did I ever agree to move you in here?" Morgana questioned. Although it was rhetorical, Gwaine answered.

"'Cause ya think I'm sexy." He obviously thought that was hilarious; he was laughing even more than earlier. Morgana couldn't lie to herself, Gwaine was handsome, but she would never admit it. So she ignored his remark. He was her prisoner, after all. 'He's messing with my mind,' she thought, running a hand through her hair.

"I can't stand you anymore. I'm going out for a while," Morgana announced.

"No, wait! I'll be so lonely…" Gwaine spoke slowly, like he was about to fall asleep.

"Then just talk to yourself," Morgana snapped.

"Hehehe. Okay, but sometimes I don't answer, so the conversation can be quite one-sided," Gwaine mumbled. Morgana rolled her eyes. He truly was an idiot.


	10. You Need a Haircut

**Author's note: This is so fun to write...**

Gwaine sat slumped against the wall, thinking. Morgana almost seemed to be taking a liking to him. 'Good,' he thought. 'I can use that against her.' The sorceress herself was currently seated at the dresser, brushing her long hair.

"You need a haircut," Morgana said, breaking the silence.

"Nooo!" Gwaine whined.

"Relax, you cabbage head, I only meant a trim. You need to get the split ends off so it looks nice and neat," she responded.

"Why do you suddenly care about my personal hygiene?" he questioned suspiciously.

"Because I've been thinking. You haven't caused any real trouble, besides locking me in your cell and the wine incident yesterday. I am considering letting you accompany me on my errands throughout the day to act as a sort of servant. And I won't stand for being seen with a ratty-looking servant," she explained. Wine incident? What was she talking about? Gwaine didn't remember anything like that…and he certainly didn't want to be Morgana's personal assistant.

"What? No way. I don't do work unless I want to. Which is rare," he argued. But then he had an idea. "Well…alright, I guess I'll do it." Morgana smiled. She then proceeded to unlock the chains binding Gwaine to her bedroom wall.

"I knew you would agree. Now, first I need the floors cleaned. The get dirty quite quickly without Merlin around," she instructed. "And don't get any bright ideas. I have guards posted throughout the entire castle."

"You got it, Sweet Cheeks," Gwaine said. Now was as good a time as any to begin perfecting his maniacal smirk. He wasn't quite the champ like Morgana. He hurried out into the hallway, but instead of fetching the sponge and bucket, he headed straight for the kitchen. After swiping a stick of butter, he hunted down the proper cleaning supplies. He held the stick of butter under the sponge and began to scrub.

Two hours and three stolen sticks of butter later, the entire castle (minus the dungeon) had premium buttered floors. Treading carefully to avoid slipping in the mess he'd made, Gwaine made his way back to Morgana's bedroom.

"All done, Witchy," he reported, flourishing his sentence with a dramatic military salute.

"Good," she said. "Now I shall go fetch someone to cut your hair."

Morgana walked purposefully out if the room. Shortly after she left, Gwaine heard a shriek and a soft thump. He snickered quietly to himself, proud of his work. Morgana slipped four more times before she caught on.

"GWAINE!" she screamed. Gwaine cringed. Maybe this hadn't been his best idea…


	11. Childish Banter

**Author's note: Oh, my gosh, guys! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in days! **

"I really don't like you," Gwaine grumbled. Morgana had lived up to her promise of getting Gwaine a haircut. Chaos and violence had ensued. It had only been a trim, nothing major. Gwaine's abnormally good-looking hairdo had survived the wrath of the scissors. But if there was one thing Gwaine hated the most, it was haircuts.

He was always nervous that the barber would make a mistake and ruin his hair. This fear was only intensified, as Morgana herself was the barber this time.

"Why ever not? Look at it as a favor. You, sir, had some major split ends," Morgana replied.

"I don't get split ends," Gwaine spat.

"Obviously you do, since you had them," she argued. Gwaine chose to ignore her. instead, he picked at a spot of dried mud on his left boot.

"Besides, it looks lovely," Morgana said.

"Oh, my! Was that a compliment I hear uttered from your evil heart?" Gwaine gasped dramatically.

"Shut up." Morgana's tone, although demanding, seemed a little less harsh than usual.

"You're turning into Arthur, you know, always telling me to 'shut up.'" Gwaine complained.

"And you're turning into an even bigger bother than before," Morgana retorted.

"Says the woman who moved me from the dungeon into her personal bedchambers. I still don't get why you did that," Gwaine said thoughtfully.

"I did it so that I could watch over you more closely," Morgana answered.

"That's what guards are for, genius," Gwaine teased.

"My guards tend to be rather incompetent," Morgana said.

"I bet you moved me up here 'cause you've got a crush on me." Gwaine grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

"I DO NOT!" Morgana snapped, rather louder than necissary.

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

This childish banter would have gone on forever had Agravaine not come in and told them to "please be quiet, it's three in the morning." Reluctantly, Morgana and Gwaine quit their bickering and decided to call it a night.

"This floor is so uncomfortable," Gwaine whined, trying desperately to get comfortable. No doubt this would start another round of banter, but that's for another chapter.


	12. Blankets are Meant to be Shared

**Author's note: Here's another chapter to make up for not updating in forever. **

"I don't care," Morgana said in reply to Gwaine's remark about the uncomfortable floor.

"I care," he countered. He sighed dramatically and laid down on the hard stone. After a short moment, he sighed loudly again. And again.

"Ugh!" Morgana growled, slinging a pillow at him. It hit him right in the face.

"Gee, thanks, Witchy!" Gwaine said, tucking the pillow under his head. "The floor is slightly more bearable now!"

"Good. Now you can shut up and go to sleep," Morgana grumbled.

"Prat," Gwaine mumbled quietly.

"I heard that."

"Don't care."

"Go to sleep."

"No," Gwaine argued.

"Why?" Morgana whined.

"It's too much fun to annoy you," Gwaine replied playfully.

"Maybe I'll have too much fun hanging you," Morgana said, her voice dark and threatening.

"Haven't we gone through this before?" Gwaine asked. Morgana sighed and chose to ignore him. Ten minutes passed.

"This floor is cold," Gwaine complained.

"Too bad. I've only got one blanket," Morgana snapped.

"We could share," Gwaine suggested cheekily. Just as he had predicted, he was ignored. Again.

"Is that a yes? Or a no? I'm gonna take it as a yes," he rambled. Morgana continued ignoring him, hoping he was only kidding. He wasn't.

"Get out!" Morgana yelled, pushing him off onto the floor.

"Ow! Man, you have no soul," Gwaine said. Morgana groaned and rolled onto her side.

"I'm going to have to move you back to the dungeon," she threatened.

"Then I'm gonna keep being annoying," he responded, then proceeded to telling a long, boring story about Arthur giving Merlin too many chores. Morgana buried her head under her pillow. It didn't help much.

"What do I have to do to get you to BE QUIET?" she asked harshly. A moment later, she found herself scooted as far over to her right as possible to avoid being near Gwaine. 'Oh, why did I move him up here?' she thought. This was going to be a very long night, ending in a very awkward morning.


	13. An Awkward Morning

**Author's note: Sorry this one's a bit short. Enjoy anyway! **

Gwaine awoke with a start. Someone was laughing. He felt something pressed up against his face, realizing a second later that it was Morgana. He screamed and fell off the bed, dragging an unsuspecting Morgana with him.

"Gwaine!" she yelled.

"My lady, there is no reason to yell." Gwaine recognized that voice. It was...

"Ah! Agravaine! This isn't what it looks like!" he explained frantically. Agravaine merely raised an eyebrow.

"It's all his fault!" Morgana practically screamed, jabbing a finger in Gwaine's face. "He just wouldn't shut up, so I had to-"

"I'm not sure I want to know," Agravaine interrupted. Morgana fumed.

"Why are you even in here?" Gwaine asked.

"There seems to be a certain, ah...problem with the floors," Agravaine replied.

"What? Oh," Gwaine laughed. "That was me." Agravaine glowered at him.

"I suspected as much," he growled. Gwaine grinned broadly at him.

"It's how I roll."

"Then you can 'roll' on out there and clean the floors properly," Agravaine instructed sharply. Gwaine sighed loudly. Only then did he realize he had been sitting on Morgana throughout the entire conversation. He quickly leapt up, then proceeded to trudge slowly out into the hallway, lolling his head back and groaning. He was so distracted with being dramatic that he forgot to tread carefully on the floor outside. Gwaine promptly slipped and landed flat on his back. This had _definitely _not been his best idea.


	14. You're Too Boring!

**Author's note: I would like to thank Wayward Queen for leaving me so many nice reviews! Also, thanks to everyone else who has reviewed and added this to your favorites or story alerts!**

"This is getting so boring, just sitting here every day," Gwaine said.

"And it was less boring in the dungeon?" Morgana replied, examining herself in the mirror.

"At least down there it was gross and creepy enough to keep me occupied. Also, I had more than just one person to talk to," he said.

"Sorry I'm not entertaining enough. I have more important things to worry about," Morgana said.

"You could do cartwheels. Or sing. Ooh, or you could tell me a story!" Gwaine suggested, sprawling out on the floor.

"I can't do a cartwheel, I'd prefer not to sing, and I don't know any interesting stories."

"Aw, come on! Don't be lame," prodded Gwaine.

"Alright, FINE. I'll tell you a story," Morgana groaned.

"Yaay!" Gwaine squealed.

"Once upon a time, there was a really annoying knight who would never stop talking. So then Lady Morgana told him that if he wouldn't shut it, she would be forced to make him sleep outside in the horse stables for a week. The end," Morgana said.

"Oh, goodie! I bet the horses tell better stories than you!" Gwaine teased.

"Why don't you find out?" Morgana asked. Gwaine then discovered that horses don't tell better stories, and that it was going to be a long week.


	15. Do I Really Want to Know?

**Author's note: Hehehe :D**

"You smell disgusting," complained Morgana, wrinkling her nose.

"It's your fault," Gwaine grumbled.

"Actually, it's your fault you wouldn't stop talking," Morgana argued.

"It's your fault you're so fun to annoy."

"How?"

"I...don't...know," Gwaine replied.

"You make no sense," sighed Morgana.

"More sense than you."

"Why do you insist on arguing everything I say?"

"It entertains me."

"Whatever. I'm going to get a bath ready for you. Ugh, you reek," Morgana said. She left to fetch the necissary supplies, making sure to lock the door behind her. Gwaine sighed and began pacing. It didn't take Morgana long to get back. She began heating the water as Gwaine pulled off his boots.

"I think it's ready," she said.

"No peeking," Gwaine giggled.

Morgana rolled her eyes. "Gross." She was almost tempted to pretend to look, just to get him worked up. He'd never let her live it down, so she decided against it.

"Okay, I'm done," Gwaine said in an annoying, sing-song tone. Morgana uncovered her eyes and sat down on the bed.

"I assume you know how to wash yourself," she said.

"Sure, but I'd gladly accept any assistance," he replied, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

"You're just so desperate, aren't you?" Morgana taunted.

"Nah. It's just fun to flirt with you."

"Well I'd rather you didn't, thanks." Morgana felt herself blush a little.

"I need soap," said Gwaine. Morgana picked up the bar of soap she had brought for him and threw it. It connected with his head before bouncing off into the water. Gwaine stuck his tongue out at her and sunk down to retrieve his soap. He sniffed it.

"Hm. Flowery," he commented. After a few minutes, he had finished washing himself.

"Towel?" he asked.

"I'll go get one." Morgana hurried over to the dresser and pulled a towel out of the drawer. Gwaine submerged the lower half of his face and filled his cheeks with water. As soon as Morgana turned around, he spat it at her.

"Hey!" she yelled, fuming. Gwaine laughed and spat more water at her.

"Gross. I really don't need your nasty bath water all over me," Morgana complained, whipping him upside the head with the towel.

"Ow!" Gwaine whined. He scooped up handfulls of water and flung it at Morgana, soaking the front of her dress.

"Stop that!" she commanded, holding up the towel protectively.

"This isn't very efficient," Gwaine mused. He climbed out of the bathtub, picked the entire thing up, and dumped it over Morgana.

"Ahh! Disgusting! Put some pants on!" she screamed, shielding her face with her hands. Gwaine pretended to be deep in thought. "Nah. It's too much fun to terrify you."

"I hate you!" Morgana squealed. Apparently, Agravaine had heard their ruckus and was determined to put a stop to it. He opened the door to a very naked Gwaine and a terrified Morgana.

"Do I really want to know?" he asked, making a face.

"Er…," Gwaine began, blushing furiously. Agravaine decided he really didn't want to know. He spun on his heel and slammed the door behind him.

"I'll get dressed," Gwaine suggested. Morgana was too horrified to say anything.


	16. Is It Raining, Or Have I Been Spat On?

**Author's note: Sorry it took so long to update! I have another chapter that I've written, which will hopefully go up today. **

Gwaine paced, thinking. His thoughts did little to occupy him; Morgana had gone out for the day and had left him with nothing to do. His chains had long since been removed, but he knew the door to the bedchambers was likely locked. He tried it anyway, and true to his suspicions, it wouldn't budge. Gwaine gazed out the window at the people milling around in the streets. That gave him an idea.

Luckily, the window would open. Gwaine inhaled sharply, relishing his first taste of fresh air he'd had in a long time. The window was big enough for him to fit through, but it was a long drop to the ground. He decided he wasn't ready to die. That definitely ruined his original plan, so he decided to have some fun while he could. He watched, waiting for the perfect opportunity, then he spit.

It hit an unsuspecting woman, who was holding the hand of a small child. The woman looked up, spotted Gwaine's quickly retreating head, and yelled.

"Watch it, boy!" Gwaine just sat underneath the window and giggled. Once he was sure the woman was gone, he leaned out the window again. He locked target on his next victim: Agravaine. Gwaine gathered an exceptionally large amount of saliva for him.

He hit right on his mark, the top of Agravaine's head. He responded with a string of rather colorful language. Gwaine laughed. This was almost more entertaining than tormenting Morgana. He continued with this until he heard the door behind him open.

"Gwaine? What are you doing?" Morgana asked.

"Spitting on people," he replied nonchalantly. Morgana stared. She worried about him sometimes.


	17. The Mind of a Toddler

**Author's note: Here's the other chapter I promised! This one's kinda short, and much more fluffy. Oh, well. I just had to write this :) Tell me what you thought!**

"Meow," said Gwaine.

"What?" Morgana asked. "Did you just meow?"

"Yup."

"Uh…why?"

"I'm a kitty now," Gwaine replied.

"You have serious issues," Morgana said. Gwaine laughed and hung upside down from the bed.

"Cats don't hang upside down," Morgana said. "Only bats do that."

"Then I'm a bat now," he stated.

"I am seriously wondering if you have a mental illness," Morgana sighed.

"I do, actually. It's called chronic awesomeness."

"More like chronic idiocy," she retorted.

"Is that even a real word? It sounds funky," he mused.

"Maybe if you had a smidgen of intelligence, you would know that it is a word," Morgana taunted.

"Hehe. Smidgen. That's fun to say," he giggled.

"Sometimes I think your brain has been replaced by that of a toddler," said Morgana.

"Would a toddler do this?" he asked, grabbing her by the shoulders and kissing her quickly.

"No…I-I suppose not," Morgana said, still a bit in shock.

"So ha! I win."

"Win what?"

"The argument."

"You're still an idiot," she teased.

"But I'm a hot idiot," he joked, grinning. For once, Morgana agreed with him.


	18. Musical Day

**Author's note: Yes, I made up all the stupid little songs. But I don't own Merlin, so no suing! **

Morgana sighed and fanned her face with her hand. Recently, a heat wave had struck Camelot, and there was little she could do about it.

"Ugh, it's too hot," she complained.

"Hey Morgana, it's hot as a sauna, this heat has really got me dooooown! I feel like I'm melting, these temperatures are sweltering, when will this heat wave leave town?" Gwaine sang, flourishing the end with dramatic jazz hands.

"Uh…," Morgana said, staring. "What was that?"

"It's a musical day, in every way, it would help if you'd just sing along! The sun is shining, the birds are flying, to the tune of my song!"

"That doesn't even make sense," Morgana said, exasperated.

"It makes no sense, but it's hard to miss, the joy of musical day! So just relax, it's free of tax, to sing in your own special way!" he crooned.

"Stop that!" Morgana snapped.

"Aww, fine. You ruin all my fun," Gwaine pouted.


	19. On the Subject of Eyebrows

**Author's note: I don't really know what to say, so just read! :D**

"I have a question," Gwaine began speculatively.

"What?" Morgana replied, almost scared of what he was going to ask.

"Why does Agravaine have such abnormally large eyebrows? I mean, really, those things look like they should be mustaches," Gwaine rambled. Morgana stifled a laugh.

"I don't know, he just does. Maybe it runs in his family or something," she answered.

"Well, they're kinda scary," Gwaine said.

"He can't help it," Morgana sighed.

"It's called waxing, girl," he said with a slight southern drawl.

"I will be right back," said Morgana.

"Why?"

"To go get Gaius. I'm going to have him examine you for mental illness."

"Oh, trust me, I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested," Gwaine replied.


	20. I'll be in the Wardrobe if You Need Me

**Author's note: I hate spiders. A lot.**

Morgana shrieked, shattering the once peaceful silence.

"Ahh! What?" Gwaine spat, falling from his seat on the window sill.

"Spider!" Morgana screamed, stomping furiously. Gwaine stared, laughing quietly.

"It isn't funny! Ugh, this thing is huge!" She grabbed a wine goblet from a shelf and began beating the poor spider with it.

"Ok, I think it's dead," Gwaine said slowly. Morgana replaced the goblet, breathing heavily. Gwaine gazed at her, one eyebrow raised.

"What?" she asked.

"I didn't know you could get so worked up over a stupid little spider," Gwaine sighed, shaking his head.

"It was freaking me out," she defended, looking rather like a small child. Gwaine chuckled and walked over to the dead spider.

"Let's see how scary this little spider is," he said, bending over to examine it.

"Oh." His eyes widened and his lip curled in disgust. "That is huge."

"Told you!" Morgana said.

"It looks just like you," Gwaine taunted, poking the corpse with his toe. Morgana punched him in the shoulder.

"Now you get to get rid of it," she sneered. Gwaine pulled off his shirt and wrapped it around his hand. Then, he picked up the palm-sized spider and flung it out the window. Someone screamed. Hesitantly, Gwaine looked.

"Oh, dang," he grumbled. Agravaine had just recieved a very unexpected visit from a dead arachnid. Spluttering and cursing he stomped the spider's corpse into the cobblestones.

"Gwaine!" he yelled, glaring up at the window.

"I'll be hiding in the wardrobe if you need me," Gwaine reported, jumping inside and closing the doors behind him.


	21. Gwaine's Fantastic Adventure

**Author's note: Hola, people. I wrote this 'cause whitecrossgirl suggested it and I thought it was awesome. So, yeah. Enjoy.**

Gwaine sat still in the dark interior of the wardrobe, his knees drawn up to his chest. He leaned backwards to rest against the back wall, but instead of finding a hard surface, he fell into what felt like snow.

"What the-" He squinted, examining the scenery. It was snow, and he was definitely not in the wardrobe anymore. The wooden walls had been replaced by open landscape and snow-dusted pine trees.

"Hello?" he yelled, rising to his feet. Gwaine's voice echoed, but no audible voice responded. Suddenly, a figure approached out of the pine tree forest.

"Hello?" Gwaine repeated, squinting at the figure. He was pretty sure it was male, but he wasn't sure.

"Welcome! What is your name?" it asked, stepping out of the shadows. Gwaine could now see that it was indeed a male. A shirtless male with furry goat legs.

"Whoa! What the heck! What's wrong with your legs?" Gwaine spluttered.

"Nothing. I'm a faun. My name's Tumnus," he replied.

"Uh, hi. I'm Gwaine. Now tell me how to get home please," Gwaine said.

"Where do you come from?" Tumnus asked.

"Camelot," he answered.

"I don't know where that is. How did you get here?"

"Uh, a wardrobe. Yeah, I know that sounds insane but it's real," Gwaine explained.

"Well, then, Gwaine of Camelot, you should be able to return home the way you came. Just walk back there and see if it works," Tumnus suggested.

"Um, okay." Gwaine turned and walked back through the trees behind him, suddenly finding himself back in the wardrobe. He flung the doors open and leapt out into the bedchamber, panting heavily.

"What's wrong with you?" Morgana demanded, frowning.

"You're never gonna believe this," he began, gasping. "I went into the wardrobe, and then there was snow and trees and a goat man named Tumnus! Man, it was weird!"

"Yep, you're crazy," Morgana decided.


	22. Case of the Missing Hairbrush

**Author's note: Yay! Another chapter! Thanks to everyone who likes this and reviewed! **

"Gwaine, have you seen my hairbrush?" Morgana asked, rummaging through a cluttered drawer. "I can't seem to find it."

"Uh, nope," he lied, transferring the object in question from his hand to underneath his backside. He was seated in the middle of the bed, watching as Morgana searched in vain for her lost hairbrush.

"Ugh! I have no idea where it could've gone! I just had it," she complained, slamming the drawer and proceeding to search the one below it. "I'm going to go see if someone has a spare I can borrow." And with that, Morgana was gone on her quest. As soon as she was out of sight, Gwaine replaced the hairbrush in its original position on top of Morgana's dresser. She came back a minute later, clutching a borrowed brush.

"I got one. Wait…isn't that mine?" she asked, pointing to the hairbrush on the dresser.

"Looks like it," Gwaine replied nonchalantly.

"How did I not see it before?"

"You're an idiot, that's how."

"I bet you had it."

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"Fine, I hid it. Dang, you argue too much," Gwaine grumbled.

"It takes two to argue," she responded.

"But you start all the fights," Gwaine accused her like a small child tattling to his mother.

"You continue them," she argued.

"Ha! See there? You're starting a fight," he said.

"Maybe if you would keep your mouth shut, none of this would ever happen," Morgana suggested.

"Maybe you shouldn't have moved me up here if you weren't willing to deal with me," said Gwaine.

"You're right. You will be back in the dungeon within an hour," she agreed smugly.

"Aww," Gwaine pouted, crossing his arms. Maybe he _should_ learn to keep his mouth shut…


	23. You Can't Make Me!

**Author's note: Oh, gosh, guys. I must apologize profusely for not updating in, like, a million years. I've been a bit caught up in my other fic, which is titled _Be My Escape. _You should read it. Just saying. Anyway, on with the much-anticipated chapter! **

Gwaine clung to the bedpost, arms and legs wrapped tightly around it.

"Nooo! You can't make me go!" he whined, squeezing his eyes shut. Morgana sighed, looped her arms around his waist, and pulled. It was no use; Gwaine was stronger than her, and he was determined to stay put.

"We can either do this the easy way or the hard way," she offered, pursing her lips and arching an eyebrow. Gwaine just tightened his grip on the bedpost.

"Fine. You want the hard way, you'll get the hard way," Morgana decided, storming out of the room. A second later she returned…with Agravaine.

"I hear you've been giving Lady Morgana a bit of trouble," he remarked, coming to stand next to Gwaine.

"Yep," he replied simply.

"And why is that?"

"She is trying to make me go back to those stupid, smelly dungeons."

"Don't you think you deserve it?"

"No!"

"I think you do."

"Well I don't. I'd much rather stay here with her than live with the rats and spiders and God knows what else," Gwaine argued. Agravaine just rolled his eyes, grabbed Gwaine around the waist, and yanked him away from the bed.

"No!" Gwaine yelled, reaching out his arms towards the bedpost. Agravaine dragged him across the floor, ignoring Gwaine's screaming and writhing. Eventually, Gwaine resorted to more desperate measures.

"Ow! Did you just bite me?!" Agravaine exclaimed, letting go of Gwaine to examine his newly injured hand. Gwaine leapt on the opportunity and dashed back into the bedroom, this time squirming under the bed.

"We're never getting him out from under there," Agravaine lamented, spinning on his heel and dashing off before Morgana could protest. She sighed, a bit sadly. It appeared that Gwaine was staying after all.


	24. Only a Story

**Author's note: Wow, sorry guys, this one's short. I'm just running out of ideas...**

"Hey, Morgana," Gwaine began. "Do you ever get the feeling that maybe this is all just a story…like none of us are really real?"

"No. Where'd you come up with something like that?" Morgana answered.

"I don't know. It just…came to me," Gwaine mused.

"Well we are definitely real," Morgana decided.

"How do you know?"

"Well, I exist, don't I? Just like you and Agravaine and Merlin and Arthur and everyone else," Morgana explained.

"But what if we only exist in someone's mind? Like, we only think we exist because whoever is writing the story wrote it so that we think we exist even though we don't?" Gwaine was speaking quickly and gesturing vividly with his hands.

"Gwaine?" Morgana said.

"Hmm?"

"Just go to sleep, okay? I think you're delusional."

"…okay."


	25. Who Are They?

**Author's note: Whoo! Finally, an update. And guess what? IT'S A DOUBLE UPDATE! Yay! Okay, bad news. Next chapter is the last...sorry, peeps. Ran out of ideas. Anyway, thank you a bazillion times for your support :D **

"Ooh, what's in here?" Gwaine pointed to a drawer.

"Things," Morgana replied.

"Can I open it?"

"No."

"But I'm curious now!"

"You know what they say: curiosity killed the cat," Morgana argued.

"Who is they?" Gwaine inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know," Morgana sighed. She had a feeling this would end up a lot like his epiphany the day before about them just being fictional characters.

"Seriously, though. Who are they and who gave them the authority to make up all these dumb sayings?" Gwaine persisted.

"Gwaine, really, I have no idea. Just drop it," Morgana said.

"But-"

"I swear I will throw you out the window if you don't shut up," Morgana hissed with a glare full of so much venom it could have rivaled a black widow. Gwaine's eyes widened slightly and he promptly snapped his mouth shut.

"Thank you." Morgana let out a little sigh, relieved that he had finally stopped talking.

"I'll ask Agravaine next time he comes in here," Gwaine resolved. Morgana pinched the bridge of her nose, hoping Agravaine wouldn't be visiting any time soon.


	26. Arthur's Awkward Discovery

**Author's note: The last chapter. This idea came from the lovely Autumn Moon Fae. You rock. Again, thank you everyone for your favs, reviews, etc. Enjoy!**

The sounds of clanking armor and heavy thumps of many booted feet broke the silence of the pleasant, sunny day. Gwaine sat in the floor, lost in his musings while Morgana, with frightened eyes, made to planning her course of action.

"This is it, Morgana," Gwaine deduced, resting his chin on his hand.

"What do you mean?" She stopped dead, staring at him.

"Arthur's here. He's gonna march right up here and 'rescue' me. And then he's either gonna kill you on the spot or dump you in prison until you die. Either way, this is probably the last time I'll be talking to you," he answered, almost forlornly. Morgana walked over to stand beside him and motioned for him to stand. He complied and gazed into her frightened eyes. Neither of them said a word. Suddenly, Morgana wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him senseless. After a long, content moment, the door flung open, but neither of them cared enough to break apart.

"Gwaine! Are you in here? G-" Arthur stood in the doorway, sword drawn and eyes as wide as dinner plates. Slowly lowering his sword, Arthur stepped into the room and cleared his throat.

"Oh, hey Arthur. 'Sup?" Gwaine greeted.

"Attempting to save your sorry rear end!" Arthur spat. "And what do I get? I walk in here to you…fraternizing with the enemy!"

"Hey, I had the opportunity. Gotta take it, you know?" Gwaine shrugged casually.

"Right now I could not care less. You are coming with me. And as for you, Morgana. Oh, I have some choice words for you." Arthur's eyes glinted dangerously.

"No! Gwaine is staying here…with me," Morgana argued, gripping Gwaine's arm desperately.

"I can't believe this," Arthur sighed, running his hands down his face. "Come on, Gwaine."

"Nooo! Arthur, he's mine!" Morgana whined. "I captured him fair and square!"

"Morgana, he is my knight. He is coming with me."

"Is not."

"Yes he is."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yes."

"No."

"Antelope."

"Where did that come from?"

"I have no idea. Just seeing if you were even paying attention anymore."

"Well, I am, and Gwaine isn't going anywhere." Morgana crossed her arms defiantly. Finally giving up, Arthur grabbed Gwaine by the arm and dragged him out of Morgana's chambers.

"Gwaine!" she called after him. They were already long gone down the hallway. She sighed. At least she would always have the memories…

**Author's note: Hope you liked it! Until next time, my friends.**


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